The Dos and Don’ts of Dialogue
I’m going to give you an assignment. Go eavesdrop on somebody: a group of teenagers, a couple on a first date, a mother and daughter having a fight. Creepy, I know, but really listen to the way that they relate to each other. Pay attention to what they say—and pay even more attention to what they don’t say.
What is the purpose of this stalkerish exercise, you’re probably wondering? Learning the ins and outs of dialogue!
Dialogue is imperative to pretty much any fictional work. Not only is it one of the quickest ways to hear the literal “voice” of your character, but it is a great tool for moving forward plot, character development, and even (when handled carefully) background exposition. Embrace dialogue. Dialogue is your friend.
But as with all writing components, dialogue has the potential to go horribly, catastrophically wrong. So here are some common pitfalls to avoid to keep your dialogue from becoming the Jar Jar Binks of your story—i.e. annoying, clunky, and condescending to your readers.
Kill your tags. You’ve probably heard of the phrase “kill your darlings” when it comes to writing; well, here at Xchyler Publishing, we believe in killing your tags. Dialogue tags (i.e. he said, she whispered, they screeched, etc.) are sometimes necessary for establishing the speaker, indicating the tone, or creating the right sense of rhythm—but nine times out of ten, if your dialogue is strong enough, you don’t need ‘em. For example:
“Hi,” he said, “I like your bike. You have a really nice bike,” he continued, “boy,” he sighed, “I wish I had that bike.”
Reads pretty much the same as:
“Hi, I like your bike. You have a really nice bike.” He sighed. “Boy, I wish I had that bike.”
Both are terrible, terrible examples of dialogue, but you get the picture—even using the dialogue tags sparingly, you get the same meaning without having all of those clunky breaks in the sentence.
Another personal favorite of mine?
Hugh Jackman grasped my hands, gazing up into my eyes. “Will you marry me?” he asked.
There’s a question mark at the end of that sentence, so we get that he’s asking. It’s automatically implied. The same goes for shouting, screeching, screaming, etc. when you use an exclamation point. We get it. They’re being forceful and loud. Trust the reader to make those connections.
Keep the train rolling forward. There’s nothing worse than getting stuck in a mire of dialogue that ain’t going nowhere. Keep in mind that dialogue is a tool, meant to establish mood, exposition, character, or move the plot forward. If it isn’t doing any of those things, it has to go.
So, for example, if the entire purpose of a chunk of dialogue is to establish that LaFonda saw Ricardo at the movie theatre the night of the murder, do NOT do the following:
Tommy: Hi, LaFonda.
LaFonda: Hi, Tommy.
Tommy: How are you?
LaFonda: I am good, Tommy. How are you?
Tommy: I am also good, LaFonda. Did you do anything interesting last night?
LaFonda: I did, Tommy. I went on a jog, took a shower, made some dinner. Then I washed the dishes. Then I got dressed. Then I went to the movies. I bought some popcorn and a large drink. It was Dr. Pepper. Then I saw a movie called The Princess Bride. It was very good.
Tommy: Did you see anyone there?
LaFonda: I did, indeed. Ricardo was there with a girl. I think her name was Sheila.
Tommy: Sheila Jenkins? What a strange turn of events. She was found murdered the next day!
Painful to read, isn’t it? Especially when of all of that information, the only parts you actually had to include were as follows:
Tommy: So where were you last night?
LaFonda: At the movies. And you would not believe who I saw there—Ricardo! With some girl named . . . I think it was Sheila?
Tommy: Sheila Jenkins? As in, the girl whose body they found in the dumpster this morning?
Still a bit painful, but much more direct, and all of the information included has the potential to move the action forward.
Establish individuality. Dialogue is one of the quickest and surest ways to let us hear a character’s voice. Rhett Butler and Edward Cullen would not be mistaken for one another, nor would Emma Woodhouse and Katniss Everdeen. Each has a very unique, very specific way of using words. So if all your characters sound the same in dialogue, that’s a big problem.
Even if your characters are raised in the same area, come from the same family, were born on the same day, etc., there needs to be some indication of personality that distinguishes one character from another. Word choice, inflection, regional slang/dialect, topics of conversation, and so forth can all be helpful in making this distinction. This will also help narrow down the need for those pesky dialogue tags—if your character is so well-developed that there’s no question it’s them when they’re talking, you won’t need to slow down the conversation with all those he-said/she-saids.
Don’t play the name game. In fiction and drama in particular, we tend to overuse directly addressing people in dialogue. For example:
“I love you, Johnny. Johnny, I love you! Look at me, Johnny. You’re the only one for me. I can’t live without you, Johnny. Johnny, say something. Say something, Johnny!”
Yikes! No wonder Johnny can’t get in a word edgewise. I don’t know about you, but in real life, I don’t generally use someone’s name when I’m talking to them unless I’m:
- Trying to get their attention
- Making a specific point
- Trying to remember their name
- Clueing in everyone around me that I am, in fact, talking to Johnny Depp.
Otherwise, most likely? If it isn’t necessary in real life, it’s not necessary on the page. Kill that darling!
Don’t be direct. I know this might seem like contradictory advice since above I told you to get to the point, but there’s a different between writing silly, mundane details that don’t move the plot forward— and writing a conversation with subtext.
Many times, people will use dialogue as a quick and easy way to cut to the chase of what the character wants and what they’re hoping to gain—but with very few exceptions, this is not how people actually communicate with each other.
This takes us back to my original assignment of eavesdropping. Let’s take the example of a couple on a first date. If I were going to be a lazy writer, I might write a first-date conversation like this:
Boy: Wow. You’re really hot. I don’t know what to do around you because I’m really nervous. I keep saying such stupid things! I must try to impress you with my prowess so that you’ll like me more.
Girl: You are super weird and making me uncomfortable. I’m going to sneak off to the restroom so I can text the guy I actually like and see if we can do something later tonight.
Are all of these things true for these characters? Yes, but with the exception of a very specific character type (someone really blunt without a filter), MOST PEOPLE DON’T SAY WHAT THEY’RE REALLY THINKING. We talk in circles around the things we want and expect others to pick up on it. So while the conversation above might be the subtext of the date, what it would actually look like might be:
Boy: So . . . how much do you weigh?
Girl: What?
Boy: I just mean . . . I like it. How much you weigh.
Girl: Oh. Thanks.
Boy: I can eat three hot dogs in ten seconds. It’s pretty gross but, you know. Whatever. I can handle it. I got a stomach of steel.
Girl: Um, cool. I’m just gonna . . . pee. I’ll be right back . . .
Same conversation, but now you’re giving the reader the opportunity to be “detective” and figure out for themselves what’s going on with the characters, what their motivations are, and how they’re relating to one another instead of just being told outright, which makes the reading experience all that much more enjoyable.
That way, in the rare instance when a character does say exactly what they’re thinking(i.e. “I love you, Johnny! Johnny, I love you!”) that moment carries so much more emotional weight because it’s a breakthrough, a shift from the norm, and gives us the cue as a reader that this really means something.
In conclusion? Don’t be afraid of the dialogue. Just use it wisely, use it efficiently, and use it with purpose. And have fun!
Xchyler Publishing content editor Elizabeth Gilliland has wrapped Vivatera by Candace J. Thomas, due for release April 19, 2013. Next up: The Rose of the Alchemist by Li Frost, slated for release later in 2013.